Sweet Smell, Bad Taste

The sweet smell of romance has worn off and the contrasting taste has left bitterness in my mouth...The little commonsense I had left that wasnt flushed away by the caught up in the moment illusion was waving a flag of caution that I bypassed with out a glance to even read the warning...With ever action there is a reaction and, because I ran past that sign, I am now stuck here with the reality check learned the hard way...I am irate that I allowed the arrogant, ignorant, selfish, and rude behavior of this man to leave me in a numb state...

The words spoken by him that were to leave me feeling guilty or at fault and to give me a moment of clarity have only left me disappointed in him. Disappointed that he couldn't admire what he really had and who I really am...The shock of his unjusified and poor excuses have left me bitter, and surprised in the greatly stitched sheeps clothing...My friends will tell me that we all make mistakes but the pain this one has left behind is all over my face...Some mistakes no matter how big or small can do the same amount of damage and carry the same weight...The pain is the result of me being naive once again and breaking alittle piece off the assureness of what I thought I knew...Disappoinment in myself....

I have been told I am the worst of all kind...this is the lowest cut of all...The most pathetic excuse...I am a full woman, I work, go to school, take care of my child, I apologize when I'm wrong and accept them even if the person might not fully mean it, I never asked for diamonds and pearls, I never asked for a place to live, I never asked for a bill to be paid, a car to drive or a shirt to even wear, I never asked a favor, I was loyal even if we were just testing the waters, I never asked him to love me, and when I hit rock bottom I never asked him for help but I'm the worst kind...

I'll admit I'm embarrassed...I allowed myself to be taken away by his cunning representative and now I see him for who he really is and I feel disguised...Disguised that I let such a cold person in and ever touch me...Who can fault me? Its typical for a woman to meet a man and see all the good qualities that the ones before him shared and the great ones that set him apart bypassing the flaws the whole time...God made me woman....My attention is captured through my mind and I give people with my heart...Every once in awhile one slips past...Leaves me my mind in a clutter of unprocessable thoughts and my heart cracked...

He is still attractive to me, but in the week to come i will slowly open my eyes and see him for what he really was...And though I will never understand why he bothered to linger in my life with his fairytale lies and illusionist tricks, I know that I was a real person, sweet and all, and never once out of character...Maybe this is my Karma or maybe one day I will end up being his........